BLOG # 1: THE AIRPORT.

10:56 am December 25th 2008


Ok, so I’m currently sitting in the airport waiting for my plane to D.C. and this is almost surreal to me. Seems like only yesterday my dad called and gave yours truly the 411 on our ‘situation’. That was a month and a week ago.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am happy about this move and was overjoyed at the first mention of the new location, but I think I disregarded my feelings about leaving to begin with. It seems I acted or for lack of better words decided to put on a façade of misdirected and obscured feelings.

I’ve have learned the art of acting a way and feeling the complete opposite; elaborate ways of covering it up. Whether it is out of fear of others knowing exactly how my stable mind state is at the time. Yesterday within a 20 minutes time span I cried 4 times… talk about letting go, right ?

I do not like to brag, but I consider myself a young person that has gone through more than her fair share of bullshit in life. Unpleasant incidents and simply put the death of my heart – my mother.

This move takes me farther away from her, or her place of rest I should say. The home I lived in sine I was about 1 and a couple of odd months (two I think). Where she brought me and left me. I still haven’t realized this yet, but I know in time I’ll be super home sick and I do not want that to point in time to come, because it’s no longer my home anymore… its someone else’s’.

Subconsciously that makes me very upset, I mean I grew up there, why do you have this right to just take it away from me, even though we are moving. Greedy, yes. Selfish, of course – but come on, the walls have my name carved in them, literally.

Every ugly nook and cranny is my ugly nook and cranny. If anything was to be lost I would have a secret place to put it regardless, but now I need to start looking for a new hiding place… urg. Well at least in this new place there aren’t any nosy people fishing through my stuff.